6 techniques for building self-confidence that does not work.

self confidence building

The knowledge of non-working techniques for building confidence is almost as important as the knowledge of working techniques. After all, you can lose a lot of time on them and in the end lose the rest of the self-confidence that you were going to develop.

The fact is that I am not a supporter of the constant training of self-confidence, unless the high charisma (and not just the confidence is above average) is due to something necessary for life. For example, if you are a leader of a relatively high level, especially a public one, a trainer of personal growth (oratory, the ability to seduce women, are actively selling expensive and not very obvious things, etc.).

However, the overwhelming majority of the population daily confidence training (as well as daily sports training, improving car driving, etc. useful skills), are completely superfluous. It is quite enough to undergo intensive training once, and then, if necessary, once a few years to undergo supportive training.

I repeat that this principle, when you need to learn something one-time, and then only sometimes support a skill (if it is not supported in life, such as driving a car), is quite universal. Otherwise, no life would be enough to develop and maintain dozens of skills that we need to live to one degree or another.

Well, if closer to the topic, that is, techniques for developing self-confidence that work well or even very well. I wrote about them many times in my articles on the site “Solar Hands” in the section Confidence in myself  and in my book.

However, there are those methods of self-confidence that, in my opinion, work extremely poorly or do not work at all. These tricks, however, pass from one article or book to another.

In principle, I do not discourage you from using them to develop self-confidence and do not want to argue much with anyone. If you think something is working, then do not listen to me. Only then do not say that I did not warn you or write that self-confidence cannot be developed.

The first idle trick is analysis .

self confidence building

Analysis is an attempt to identify the reasons why your behavior has become unsure. It may be a trip to a psychoanalyst. This may be a diary. It can be a conversation with a friend or girlfriend, or even a lot of varieties of this method.

Suppose you, as a result of this many hours of work, realize that your uncertainty arose because of your too strict parents who scolded you for any minimal mistake. Perhaps the reason for this was that your parents did not pay attention to you at all. Or you had an older brother (sister) who “shone” with success and against their background you looked completely pale. Or maybe they, on the contrary, did everything for you and with this behavior developed infantile features in you.

Suppose even that these conclusions are correct. Indeed, you are not sure because of some kind of behavior of your parents. (Although how to verify the correctness of this conclusion is completely incomprehensible)

Indeed, if your goal is not to accuse your parents of something, but to develop confidence in yourself, then you will expect that after several months of introspection you will see some progress in improving confidence, improving your relationship with others, more influence, more success in life, etc.

However, nothing of the kind will happen. There will be no result or it will be completely miserable and fleeting.

Why it happens?

The analysis itself does not lead to any results. Analysis is sometimes a necessary thing before acting (for example, changing parent programs), and sometimes you can act without it.

Therefore, the analysis itself is not a working technique. Sometimes you need to analyze something before you start acting, and sometimes you can act without analysis, correcting something along the way. But a pure analysis does not lead to an increase in self-confidence in principle.

The second idle trick is a theoretical study of confidence in books or articles .

self confidence building

Here I will repeat a fairly obvious truth. Developing self-confidence is more about training than about knowledge.

It is possible that someone will study all the books and articles on the development of confidence in detail, but will not get a positive result. Another can study relatively little, but he will exercise, and not know, and will achieve much more.

I will not paint in detail, since this is obvious. However, many need to constantly be reminded that they need training, not knowledge.

Theory, of course, is also needed. Mankind has already accumulated a certain amount of knowledge about what works or does not work for the development of some qualities of character in itself. You need to use this knowledge in order not to do useless work.

Therefore, remind yourself periodically that the study is a study, and the result comes from training, and not from knowledge.

The third idle trick is an attempt to behave confidently in real life .

self confidence building

This implies, of course, an attempt to confident behavior without prior training. One of the most frequent tips is something like this: “Try to act confidently and after a while you will become confident . 

In principle, it cannot be said that this is a completely inoperative technique; rather, it can be called ineffective, since the effect is often not very significant, and the nervous costs are huge.

What do we often see among tips for developing self-confidence?

Behave so-and-so. In such and such a situation, do so-and-so. If such a situation arises, do so-and-so.

Examples of tips.

– Be persistent.

– Defeat your fear and do what you fear.

– Be optimistic.

– Do not focus on the flaws of your appearance.

– Do not pay attention to criticism.

– Accept your imperfection and focus on your successes.

– If you are naughty, then in response say something witty or boorish.

If you can act as described in these tips for several months, then your character will change for the better – this is even, no doubt.

But this is the whole point, that a person who is not self-confident enough cannot act this way or even if he can, then usually only an extremely short time . After two or three attempts, it usually ends.

self confidence building

Although, in principle, you can try. For example, you are a shy person, and you cannot normally get acquainted with girls / guys. Fulfillment of this advice means that you go out and start trying to get acquainted with all the girls / guys you like. If you can do this with 10 girls a day for several months, then no doubt some confidence will appear. It’s only clear that nothing will work. (More precisely, this method is obtained in 1 out of 1000 people)

The second minus of this technique is that even if a person has tremendous willpower and a willingness to act, sometimes the necessary events occur too rarely to train confidence skills in real life. For example, if your goal is confidence in customers, then you can hesitate with one client, with a second, and you can’t even reach the hundredth because you will be kicked out due to lack of results. That is, it even in principle can not always be used.

Due to these limitations, this technique of changing character and gaining confidence is ineffective. Yes, there are those who, with the help of him, changed their character, but they didn’t spend so much effort, time and energy on it that during this time they could change several character traits or acquire some useful skills. In my book “How to Develop Confidence in 3 Months,” I said that at first training, visualization, and only then you will begin to behave confidently “automatically”.

The fifth idle trick is sports for men or beauty for women.

For some reason, it seems to many (more of course to men) that he should go in for sports (girls spend a couple of days in a beauty salon), as this will definitely add confidence to him. Especially if this sport is something like boxing or pumping the body.

Do not think that I am against systematic sports or beauty salons. Sport is an extremely useful business. I myself go in for sports almost without interruptions.

However, if we talk about the development of self-confidence, then playing sports is a rather ineffective way. I’m not saying that this method does not work at all, but it works very poorly and usually indirectly.

For example, if with the help of sports activities the figure improves, then confidence can slightly increase (but usually slightly).

If the sport is collective, then communication skills can slightly improve and, accordingly, confidence can improve.

However, all these actions are ineffective and indirect. The same figure improvement can be more easily achieved as a result of diet, not sports.

So, sport under certain circumstances can give some effect in increasing self-confidence. However, as a rule, the effect of 3 years of playing sports or many years of visits to beauty salons can completely replace a couple of months of effective exercises with the development of self-confidence.

If you look at athletes from level 1 of level 1 and above, which is a fairly good level of sports training, which implies intensive training in some sport for about 2-4 years (depending on the coach and innate abilities), you will see how self-confident people, and not sure. And you may not notice any significant changes in their self-confidence after several years of playing sports and not bad results.

I repeat that in some situations, sports can be extremely useful. Let’s say that in your school, institute or work, some kind of sport is popular. And you, doing something more than once a week, but 3 times a week, can become a “star” or at least an asterisk, why not.

But in general, sport is more likely to be “no” than “yes” to develop self-confidence.

The sixth non-working technique is money and other status attributes usually associated with money . (IPhone, fashion car, expensive apartment (or abroad), etc.)

self confidence building

Many young people think that as soon as they start to earn a lot and / or acquire some status items, that depending on age, there may be a car, cell phone, clothes or a cottage abroad, they will immediately become more self-confident.

To some extent, this is so, especially in youth, but only to some extent. If, surrounded by a girl or a young man, everyone possesses some status items (for example, clothes of a certain level for girls or a motorcycle), and someone does not have one, then buying this item can really give some self-confidence. Conversely, the absence of this item can cause uncertainty.

However, in general, it is still worth recognizing that objects of social status, income and property in any form are a rather weak and ineffective way to increase self-confidence.

In order to earn a lot of money and get a lot of status items, you need to spend on average so much money and often spend several years or even 10-15 years. This, in my opinion, is an extremely inefficient way to just become more confident in yourself. Indeed, to obtain much more significant results with a direct training of self-confidence, only a few months of work are enough.

In addition, in this case, cause and effect are often confused. After all, it would seem that those people who have status items are, on average, much more confident in themselves. From this it is concluded that one only needs to acquire these status things, as self-confidence appears almost by itself.

In fact, everything is exactly the opposite. Self-confidence in one form or another is one of the main reasons for high incomes. And already a consequence of this is the objects of social status. (Not always, but often)

After all, only a self-confident person sets major goals and moves towards them, despite obstacles and temporary setbacks. Only a confident person can be a successful leader in at least a relatively large company. Only a self-confident person can successfully influence other people, even without any artificial methods of persuasion, which is important in sales and other activities.

That is, confidence, at least at an average level, is a necessary element of making decent money in many activities. (Not everywhere, but in most)

Again, do not think that I am against your increase in income or the acquisition of any luxury goods. Please do, work, increase revenue and buy whatever you like.

But if your goal at the moment is self-confidence, and not some thing, then work on confidence, not buy things.

Total, confidence is the reason why in the end a person has status things and income. (Exceptions are when they are acquired by parents and other similar cases). The inverse relationship (when things affect confidence) also works, but only to a certain level and is usually not very effective. An exception may be adolescence, when it is highly desirable to match the clothes and other status items at least slightly below average.

To summarize some of the results. Above, I gave six inactive or ineffective tricks for developing self-confidence. I don’t know why, but advice on using these or similar tricks is quite common on websites or in magazines. Two of these tips on status things and sports (beauty for women) are rarely advised by any of the authors, but they are present in people instinctively and therefore, instead of developing confidence, work is underway on income, beauty, or something else.

In fact, to become self-confident, if by this we mean not charisma of Napoleon’s level, but increasing the level of confidence by a couple of three points (on a 10 point scale) is not an overly complicated task. One of the conditions for achieving this goal is not to spend years of time that does not lead to this goal at all or is a very long road, but simply do daily training for 2-3 months and repeat it after some time.

source: https://www.sun-hands.ru/samoocenka/6-priyomov-razvitiya-uverennosti-v-sebe-kotoryie-ne-rabotayut/

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